The Big Impact of Mindful Moments
When I tell people that part of my job is teaching mindfulness, I am usually met with responses like, “I am so bad at meditating,” or, “I went to a silent retreat last year and it was transformative.”
“Yes,” I say, “meditation is a form of mindfulness, and it is a good way to practice, but what I’m really talking about is being mindful in the day-to-day. Learning to live in the moment when you’re making your coffee. Eating your lunch. Doing your dishes.” At this point in the conversation, people often look perplexed. Sometimes, I lose them completely. They’re bummed to find out I’m not the would-be Tao master they imagined when they heard me introduce the topic. If you aren’t heading for nirvana, what’s the point? What good is mindfully washing my dishes going to do when I have bigger fish to fry, like crippling anxiety or panic attacks?
The research on the benefits of mindfulness on psychological health is extensive. It has been studied by psychiatrists, psychologists, neurologists, and medical doctors, among many others. Across disciplines and therapeutic modalities, it has been established that people who develop “trait mindfulness” (people who have practiced mindfulness enough that it is an integral part of who they are) have been found to have better emotional and behavioral regulation, improved attention, decreased psychosomatic symptoms, and healthy emotional reactivity, among a host of other benefits[1].
Okay, so there’s evidence. Great. What does that mean for you, practically? Well, for one, learning to bring yourself back to the moment that you’re actually living in during the mundane day-to-day makes the day-to-day more interesting. It also helps keep worry thoughts relegated to the times when you can actually do something about them. More importantly, it sets you up to be able to stay mindful when you really, really need to.
This is how I like to explain it: Imagine you’re driving down the highway. You’re on your way to a job interview. You’re on a stretch of highway with no gas station and no exit for miles. Suddenly, your tire blows out and you fly off the side of the road, before bouncing to a stop. The coffee you had in the cup holder is everywhere, including your interview shirt. You have no idea what happened, but your tire is shredded, and your car isn’t going anywhere.
“Shit,” you think, while you dial up a tow truck. They’ll be there in 30 minutes. And then you realize that there is no way you are going to be on time for your job interview. You start thinking about what you’re going to say to the hiring manager and what they’re going to say to you. You start thinking about how badly you need this job. You start thinking about what your life is going to look like when you don’t get this job, because you’re not going to get this job, because you’re showing up at least 30 minutes late to the interview looking like you just bathed in coffee. You start thinking about what your family will say, what your friends will think. Will you make your next mortgage payment? You think about how hard it has been not having a job up until this point. Things have been really tight. It’s been depressing, if we’re being honest. How long can you live like this?
Wow, honestly, just writing that made me a little anxious. How was reading it? Take a breath.
In the above scenario, thoughts were careening off the road faster than the car did. Catastrophization was in full effect and panic might not have been far behind. Lao Tzu, who actually was a master of Taoism, [probably] said this: “If you are depressed you are living in the past. If you are anxious you are living in the future. If you are at peace you are living in the present.” Now, Lao Tzu was born in the year 571 BC. If this quote is correctly attributed, perhaps you can give yourself some slack now that you know that being depressed by your baggage and afraid for your future has been a part of the human condition for at least the last 2600 years.
Now here’s how that day-to-day mindfulness come into play: What might that car fiasco have felt like if you had practiced mindfulness in your daily life - like while doing your dishes - and can now access it when you need it? Well…
Suddenly, your tire blows out. You pull to the side of the road. You have no idea what happened, but your car isn’t going anywhere. “Shit,” you think, while you dial up a tow truck. They’ll be there in 30 minutes. And then you realize that you are probably not going to be on time for your job interview. You start thinking about what you’re going to say to the hiring manager and what they’re going to say to you. You start thinking about how badly you need this job.
Here’s where things change: Because your mindfulness is almost second nature, you notice that your face is getting hot and you’re feeling flushed. Your heart is racing, and your palms are slick on the steering wheel. You realize that you are worried and say, “I’m so worried.” (Fun fact: naming negative emotions when you experience them is shown to decrease their intensity[2]). You know you won’t be able to manage this situation if you get too worked up. You close your eyes and take a few deep breaths through your nose, paying attention to how your lungs fill on the inhale and empty completely on the exhale. After a few minutes, you can feel your heart rate coming back to normal.
Now you can sit in the car and can clearly think about your options. You aren’t going anywhere for at least 30 minutes. You really want to interview today, because this job is important, but you have no other choice than to radically accept that you likely won’t make it in time. And even if you did, you’re a dirt and coffee-covered mess - not very professional. You weigh your realistic options and decide that the most effective thing to do would be to call the hiring manager, explain the situation, and ask them to reschedule. Whatever they say, now you are grounded in the reality of the situation and can start taking the next steps to move in the direction you need to go. And wait for the tow truck.
Sure, you’re still worried. This situation is less than ideal. It might even feel awful. But you’re not spiraling. You’re not panicked. You’re in control of your thoughts, your feelings, and your behaviors. You can think rationally. You were able to be as effective as you could in the moment. And maybe you are just a little glad you spent all that time practicing mindfully washing your dishes.
References
[1] Keng, S. L., Smoski, M. J., & Robins, C. J. (2011). Effects of mindfulness on psychological health: a review of empirical studies. Clinical psychology review, 31(6), 1041–1056. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cpr.2011.04.006
[2] University of California - Los Angeles (UCLA). (2007, June 22). Putting Feelings Into Words Produces Therapeutic Effects In The Brain. ScienceDaily. Retrieved June 5, 2023 from www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2007/06/070622090727.htm